I was listening to a good friend speak about relational reciprocity and what that should look like. As I reflected on his words, I realized I have been waiting a very long time for someone to truly pick me. We joke about men and women being “pick me’s” But aren’t we all waiting for someone to pick us?! Perhaps it is a love interest, a job, a family member, a child – human beings innately need to be loved for us to feel wholeness. That’s not being a pick me, that is your quest for community.
I waited for my parents to be different and put me first, siblings, friends, my ex-husband, etc; now at 48 years old, I am still waiting. Today, I am waiting for permission to put myself first. I realized that I didn’t heal my abandoned parts, I transcribed them onto other relationships and made my insecurities and neediness okay because there was a measure of reciprocity and a profundity in what I shared. It gave me an inkling of hope that one day that person or entity would see my value and decide that I was for them in the way I made them for me. When I finally realize that is not going to happen I am instantly warped back to a time of lonely in public, hurt by “unfairness” and misunderstanding, and an unreconcilable separation from worthiness and who I really am.
The truth is, the rooms you share with the people who are truly part of your tribe see value in your presence – end of statement. When you start entering the spaces you know you belong in with an irrefutable belief in what you offer, your outcomes will change, your pride will build, and your reflection will speak to you where no external party can – your soul!
So how do I heal the healed parts?
I am challenging you and me to write to yourself everyday. Not journal, but write a down what you contributed to yourself and others the day before. Reflect on how those things came from inside of you and how no one had to give you permission to be that person. Find the truth of who you are just by being you and then tell yourself all about it!